open letter from someone with bpd

It makes a difference for us!! I feel like he doesn't understand that it's a process it will take a long time. I scream out (or maybe I don't) and no one knows what the heck I'm talking about. I also shared this letter with my husband so that maybe he will have a better understanding of what I go through. A certain song, sound, smell, or words can quickly fire off neurological connections that bring us back to a place where we didnt feel safe, and we might respond in the now with a similar reaction (think of military persons who fight in combat a simple backfiring of a car can send them into flashbacks. I have friends with mental illnesses who are therapists, and I've even had a therapist who struggled with an eating disorder. I'm always fascinated and encouraged to see persons with BPD who accept the diagnosis and are embracing treatment. I dont want to live without her but it is hard to live with her if there is not some hope of improvement at her hipersensitivity, overreactions, constant blame and white and black thinking. Write as much as you'd like, pour out your heart and soul and tell him how hurt you are and how much you didn't deserve such horrific treatment. Boredom is often dangerous for us, as it can lead to the feelings of emptiness. But that will only happen if others that share in the experience find this and share it with others. Armon, what a kind, loving husband you are. It's hard. The Socialist Republic of Romania (Romanian: Republica Socialist Romnia, RSR) was a Marxist-Leninist one-party socialist state that existed officially in Romania from 1947 to 1989. I LOVE lashing out at my supportive boyfriend (thank GOD he is learning about this). By sharing your experience, you can let others know that they are not alone. Any therapist helping a child of a borderline to recover will recommend that they protect themselves from the abuse and their abuser. She remained in a crisis unit for two weeks without any contact. Forgot those important facts. I made it though, and I now know that I have so much to offer to my future clients because of my own experience with mental illnesses. My mother has informed herself about bpd, so that she can give me the support I need in a way that I can accept it. You are a source of admiration, thanks for your courage and generous words. I like this letter. I think that one if the distinct differences in the diagnosis is the willingness to show vulnerability. Harder than bringing up 4 kids and being away from them for long periods. Debbie, Hi Andrea you are very welcome. My fiance has BPD. Ironic though since it was my family putting me through hell for years that caused me to develop BPD. If you see anything like this, RUN. My wife says she is learning a lot but she is still barking orders and yelling and telling me I am not doing things right on her behalf. If BDP people are triggered into the abyss of misery, then so are we. You can now share your poetry (or poetry you love) by using the hashtag #MightyPoets. Tell us how mental illness has affected your life. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a long-term pattern of "abnormal behavior" that is characterized by an unstable sense of self, emotions, and relationships with other people. Spot on insight!! I now am 49 and still have anger issues with myself but no selfharming. She struggles with accepting herself and most of all loving herself which in turn hinders her from being healthy both mentally and physically. A lover, a friend, a parent or sibling, and a coworker all have the privilege of having a frame of reference to place the borderline in. That evening I spoke to a LCSW who was able to confirm that all her actions (plus a prior divorce, SI, estrangement from her children, abusive father and ex-boyfriends, etc.) It sounds like your Mom cares to find out what's happening for you. But right now, she would react in a completely negative way to even the suggestion that she needs help. Open Letter To All With BPD A.J. Now that we are divorced with a shared custody agreement for our son, she has become impossible to deal with. . You juggled everything with such grace, intelligence and humility even as your husband found it harder to keep being the man you knew. I don't harm my self, don't act on impulse, don't fear abandonment I am no longer scared or afraid to live and love. This website is produced by members of the Sanctuary Support Group. It will take time and a lot of effort. I got my diagnosis when i was 18. As the friend of someone with BPD, it's helpful to be as consistent as possible with what you say and do. Its difficult, after all, to relate to others properly when you dont have a solid understanding of yourself and who you are, apart from everyone else around you. Every single time you embrace my stable days when I'm the peachiest version of me you ever get to experience. DebbieThis is a beautiful, beautiful letter. I am about to give birth to my first child and one of my baby's grandparents most likely has Borderline Personality Disorder (previously diagnosed with Paranoid Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but many of us believe BPD is a more comprehensive explanation and DBT type therapy/interactions are the only things that have consistently had a positive impact). In my experience, one of the most effective ways of doing this is to find someone who as gone through the DBT treatment to share some of their experiences with potential or new clients. this was so encouraging. Last but not least, thank you for the wonderful open letter. Click to enable/disable _ga - Google Analytics Cookie. My mom and dad talked about my fear of abandonment and decided not to go on long vacations together anymore, because I always become unstable when they do. Deal with the label in a way that makes sense to you. This isn't to say that they're evil. So thank you. My mother talks to her and says she doesn't even sound like the person we used to know. For me as I gained more experience and I saw the positive changes DBT can lead to, this helped me to avoid that particular trap. Thank you for reading this. The last few years have been very tough for me on a personal and professional level, but it is always good to read other peoples experiences and how they manage their day-to-day lives. She emailed me later saying that it was passive aggressive behavior and that she "gets it" I am the one who ended it. , You are a brave and kind man. All Rights Reserved. The author of this letter has since RECOVERED from Borderline Personality Disorder and no longer meets the criteria for a BPD diagnosis. I love you, baby. It's a long road we all will travel. I have learned with time and education on my part that her pain is not my fault and it is not my responsiblity to fix. Then she tells me she found an apartment and began moving every possible evidence that she ever lived here out of our home. , I'm a 39 yr old wife and mother of a beautiful babygirl of 19 months. But what the BPD sees as abandonment, we see as self care (which ironically is one of the suggestions handed down in this open letter). It was both painful and hopeful to read it. I feel helpless, powerless to get my feelings accross. Thank you so much for your comment. For her . Honestly, I don't think this letter is helpful, or should have been addressed to the children of BPD's for a few reasons. I guess my point is, Is there hope for a person with BPD that can even realize that something is wrong despite I can see many symptoms?Thank you so much for your guidance. DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. She is a wonderful Woman and I love her with all my heart, my life, my everything. If you make plans, try to keep them, or offer a clear reason why you can't. Make sure you're not blowing hot and cold. This is my second year in DBT. I am also a Type 1 Diabetic of 17 years. This is the most dreaded Dx to come across according to my colleaguesif it was so bad, why would it be my problem? Now go for it!! The following cookies are also needed - You can choose if you want to allow them: You can read about our cookies and privacy settings in detail on our Privacy Policy Page. My dad likely has BPD too because my mother lived through 30 years of marriage with this. I know its because you had to. Please trust that, with professional help, and despite what you may have heard or come to believe, we CAN and DO get better. Something wasnt right, but you still lay down next to me every night. They have the ability to support the BPD. The content of this website is not a substitute for independent professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Not what i wanted but almost lost all since of myself. Currently, my BPD symptoms are worsening. They tried me on several meds and hospitalized me when I started burning myself (unknown why) never did that before.but I remember being so angry and did not know why or when it would end. Her idea of help is everyone doing what she wants, on her schedule. You don't understand me. I was petrified of losing you; the intensity of my emotions, the world and the endless possibilities absolutely petrified me. Just let her know I sent you, and she'll be happy to point you in the right direction. I can't help it. That's fun too.) You are a strong person for working so hard to heal yourself. It is a true fact that the Princess of Wales has reported a borderline personality disorder. I am currently waiting for DBT treatment and your blog and videos help me no end, i use them on a daily basis, like i'm warming up for the marathon which will be my DBT healing, hopefully. Just a thought. There were some days I was too depressed to go to school or to study, and there were many times I thought "how can I help others if I'm such a mess?" Showing your love and support will make them more willing to see your point of view and help them understand your desire for healthy boundaries. I'm very grateful for his letter, Christine. Thanks for commenting. I thought we would be okay, but then something I did angered her. Explore the different options for supporting NAMI's mission. It's sad that I would have to use our son as an instrument to get my wife in front of a mental health professional, but it is the only way I can see him being protected from the long term effects of this mental illness. The letter and all the post did help me a little tonight tho. I truly appreciate what you said. , I agree with your insights and appreciate that you took the time to comment here. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. It will help many (like me) who haven't put all these beautiful words and explanations together in such a succinct and informative way.You should be very proud of this as you have quite a command of BPD and how to present it in a respectful and honest manner. I have beeen through 3 years of DBT therapy and figuring out who i am and how i came to have this horrible disorder. 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