pregnant and i can t stand my husband

I don't remember this happening when I was pregnant with our first. For more helpful information please hit up our beautiful rules wiki! You wish it were easier to talk about things that frustrate you. I try to calm myself and be nicer but I'm finding it extremely hard. For further details of our complaints policy and to make a complaint please click this link: thesun.co.uk/editorial-complaints/, I got pregnant from a drunken one-night stand after an evening out, My husband was shocked I was pregnant but supportive and understanding, I felt full of regrets straight after the one-night stand with my colleague, Denise Welshclaimssexual cheating wasn't as bad as emotional infidelity on Loose Women, My fiancee refuses to apologise for jibe about my brother's fiancee's wedding dress, Frankie cheats on Anne while she's away on holiday, Independent Press Standards Organisation (IPSO). When he get mad he calls me names like bitch and yells and screams just dont know what to do. Some husbands work a lot because their job is demanding. YES! I was the same as you. Do you hover over your husband, telling him how he needs to do things? I thought I had made the right decision to marry this man. When they start fighting I have no patience to sort it out properly, I'm like putting them in time out over really dumb things. If so, have a convo with your hubby, I did with mine and it made things so much better for us. He thinks thats all he needs to be. 16 votes, 17 comments. I was in the same boat of feeling really unsatisfied with my husband. He sounds active. think twice before sharing personal details, foster a friendly and supportive environment, remove fake accounts, spam and misinformation, delete posts that violate our community guidelines, reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts. I dont know what to do. I have actually listened in amazement to my partner and other males talk about enjoying sex with women they otherwise seem to have little to no respect for or liking of. it eventually passed, but my hormones seemed to make me straight up homicidal most days. No thanks! Lol. I think you can handle this gently by first acknowledging the good things he is doing and then explaining that it would be most helpful if he fully completed the job. It seems that men can quite happily enjoy sex with women they seem to enormously dislike in every category except physical attraction. Marriages are hard work, and sometimes the effort brings about much-needed change. Speak clearly and directly. But know that in the end, her relationship actually got better. With the right commitment and effort, you may be able to revive the energy and restore the connection with your husband. I don't hear that she's willfully cruel, manipulative, or . OMG so glad I'm not the only one! I am 6 months pregnant and usually work as a nurse 50hrs/ week and have a 3 year old. I was the exact same way for my first pregnancy. I can't stand my husband. That would have been really intense. I still love and care for him deeply, but I cant bear to be around him. But it scares me to hear those ugly words. We haven't had sex since conception and haven't slept on the same bed. The name calling is not cool. Eventually, she went from barelybeing able to stand her husband to a place where the two of them had committed to start over and appreciate each others space and offer each other the gift of kindness. Well, I talked about this in this post if you wish to gain some greater insights, https://www.marriagerecovery.com/did-i-marry-the-wrong-man-for-me/. He might feel hes going to screw things up, so why even try? It just wasnt enough. I work at home know and its worse he trys to come in my office will Im working and I have to act like he is not there because Im taking a call. Then rotate back to the notion of coming back from a day out with your friends and enjoying a quiet and intimate evening with your husband. I knew what he had in mind but was drunk enough to accept. He may not know how to tell you hes not confident enough. . I'm 20 weeks pregnant and since the day I found out I have been having an aversion to my husband. Co-worker relationships can lead to lots of after-hour activities. Ive been keeping quiet rather than snapping at him constantly. I think its unrealistic to expect chores to be done perfectly with both parents working w 2u2. I fear we are no longer compatible. I, too, have done all of the above-mentioned things, and frankly Id be offended if someone insinuated that it somehow means Im not a good enough partner, wife, mother, etc. I got that problem too. Nitpicking , yes. You asked who half sweeps a kitchen? I completely agree with all of the above. All they know is that if they are not getting it, they are unhappy and will tend to hold it against you. Before I got pregnant again things were going great. Men sort of understand this, but not fully. I actually got mad at him about it, and he helped put it into perspective. This results in nagging and even stronger resistance from your husband. Learn more about, I Never Thought I'd Be a Single Parent Now I Can't Imagine Doing It Any Other Way. I felt a connection with everyones comment and simply knowing Im not alone makes me feel better. You really don't deserve that type of treatment. Symptmes de grossesse ne jamais ignorer, Moyens naturels pour dclencher l'accouchement. To go back to that happier time. A spark alone wont help if you arent able to share your concerns and frustrations. (Sorry for my bad English. It's very normal due to hormones, I hated my husband my first pregnancy too! You could have paid a high price, including catching or passing on Covid-19, but at least your husband was willing to deal with it and move on. Is that because he just doesnt care about me sexually any more? think twice before sharing personal details, foster a friendly and supportive environment, remove fake accounts, spam and misinformation, delete posts that violate our community guidelines, reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts. Bathtub left on top of the sink. R ecently I heard from a lady who came to me in tears telling me she can't stand her husband. Win-win! DEAR DEIDRE: I GOT pregnant from a drunken one-night stand after an evening out with my friends. I was so horribly sick that everything my husband would do or say would make me mad. Familial relations can be tumultuous to navigate and I wish that there was a magic solution to make everyone get along, but unfortunately there isn't. Wow, Crazy that it had to get to that point for you. He just strongly preferred she stayed home with him. He'll try to kiss me occasionally and I give him my cheek. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Am I nit picking or being a complete bit**?? I just want to give you a giant hug! After some followup discussion, I learned that it wasnt that her husband forbid that she couldnt go off and do things by herself. One of the guys hadnt been working with us for long but he came along too. Remember, using words like intense when it comes to sex, gets your husband to snap to attention. It felt like the greatest love affair. READ THE RULES. 2) is he annoying me on purpose? Men are fixers. You're cooking a baby and hormones are going nuts so it's fine it'll get better. I hope it's hormones but I feel some days I could leave this man and never turn back!! I would not accept this either - verbal and emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse - And he needs a serious reality check !!! Reminder to all: watch out for a creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 instant downvotes. Encourage your husband to speak with his family about a situation that upsets you, even if hes uncomfortable doing it. Is it possible to save a frustrating and strained marriage like yours? Things have to be his way almost all the time. Will it be equal all the time? He buys all this fitness equipment that HAS NEVER BEEN USED. When he's the one that always acts retared. I am CONSTANTLY cleaning up something. Copyright 2023 Marriage Recovery - All Rights Reserved, I Cant Stand My Husband: Married and Miserable. Usually he has at least one escort sometimes up to 3 or 4 depending what's going on how many loads are traveling together or what not. Fast forward 20-plus years and two children later and I sit here looking at my life, yearning for that summer of love again. The word obey has been removed from the marriage service, but sometimes it takes more than omitting a word to overcome centuries of tradition. But when speaking with her I learned that she was going through a bad spell and wanted to lash out at her husband every way she could and portray him in the most negative light because she was feeling so hopeless and angry at that moment. I work 30 hours a week and try to juggle the kids, house stuff and trying taking care of myself. We have been married for 14 years. Ready, here we go. MEG REMY: Because of how it sounds, how it starts.It hits. Be the sociable, ambitious and adventurous woman that you are, says Philippa Perry. In this situation, getting him aware of it may be more helpful. It can be hard to open up this dialogue, but sometimes it is necessary to get past the little (or large) resentments that have accumulated over time. What would you do in this situation? "The Sun", "Sun", "Sun Online" are registered trademarks or trade names of News Group Newspapers Limited. I am married and miserable and have no clue how to get away from this wretched marriage. She complains that her man always seems to annoy her. I dont live with my babies dad and lord when he comes over its like a hurricane. My advice was that the routines of marriage had caught up with them. Group Black's collective includes Essence, The Shade Room and Naturally Curly. You may need to talk to a therapist. Group Leaders communicate with staff moderators and escalate potential violations for review, but they dont moderate discussions. If you dont already have kids, run. Saving a marriage after breaking a cycle of abuse is rare. If you want something done YOUR way , you do it YOURSELF. Meaning you cant make ppl do things exactly our way. Jennifer is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with a passion for helping couples struggling within their marriage, relationship, or during the divorce process. They were at a crossroads, neither understanding what was truly important to the other and nor did they understand the important tenets of marriage. I can't stand him. So basically if you're going to do it, do it right and completely. And 3) would I be ok with him criticizing me the same way? I guess its that way for most everyone. A Group Owner is a member that has initiated the creation of a group to connect with other members to share their journey through the same pregnancy & baby stages. My e-leaflet Worried Youre Past It, Guys? 20062023 BabyCenter, LLC, a Ziff Davis company. You didn't do anything wrong, we just have asshole lurkers/downvote bots stalking our /new queue. Cut your husband some slack and be nice to him, haha! I feel like he is hanging over me all the time, telling me what I can or cant do and why I am always wrong. I've had the worst outbursts lately to my husband. Ive never done anything like that before. My husband annoys me bad but I never let myself treat him badly. He always tries to have female escorts, he . Sometimes pregnancy seems so lonely. But if you are just waiting for him to agree with you, then you must do whatever it is you want to do and he will have a choice about whether to stay with you, or to leave. We are lucky to have husbands and so we aren't going through pregnancy and raising a child alone. I never expect him to help me when he is working but when he is off he could at least pick up after himself. No. I have a 1 year old and I'm 8 weeks pregnantI don't know if it's because I'm extra tired or what but with my first pregnancy I wasn't such an asshole. You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Before pregnancy I actually liked my husbands smell even in the morning he didn't seem to smell bad at all. I dont know if I think its nitpicking. I can't even stand to peck him on the lips. Here is what she had to say. Instead, I find myself full of regret, with resentment bubbling deep inside. So by telling your husband you very much want to explore a new sexual understanding involving much greater intimacy (perhaps even greater eroticism) you will immediately get his attention, his fullest of attention. Misery doesnt come close to describing what I feel everyday and I come to you asking for some help. & sometimes Ill half do the dishes too & oh , wont tie the trash up either if Im very tired. Hes just pissed off because he has to go to work while you are at home taking care of yourself and baby - Hes the lazy pig and being childish - its not because you are at home that you are his slave and have to do everything - how dare he call you names ! You are nostalgic for your 17-year-old self and your summer of love. After awhile it just became easier to be really busy when he called. Sexless Marriage: Causes, Effects, and Solutions, Top Reasons Why Women Cant Stand and Resent Their Husbands, He is Lazy and Doesnt Help Around the House, He is Not Involved When it Comes to Parenting, He Spends More Time With His Friends or Other Activities Than He Does With You, Here Are Some Common Problems in Most Marriages, Drug Addiction and an Unwillingness to Seek Help, You Cant Stand Your Husband Touching You, some men are not interested in taking care of daily tasks, you may not have the in-laws of your dreams, ruin your husbands life and destroy your marriage, revive the energy and restore the connection, 8 Principles for Motivating Your Husband to Take Action WITHOUT Conflict, 6 Healthy Ways to Deal with An Emotionally Immature Husband. Other than the diaper agree. While this was not the case in this situation, what if you really feel you married the wrong guy? In many ways, societal biases give direction by reinforcing more listening and communicative qualities with girls and more physical activities with boys. I'm so sorry you have to deal with him. Glad there is a place where we can spill our problems without hurting our relationships, yup exact same thing happened to me, if he even looked at me wrong i wouldnt wanna talk to him for 3 days, god forbid he say no to a food i was craving or didnt jump up immediately to help me if i needed it. Bc he couldve left everything for you to do. But OMG since pregnancy he absolutely stinks! The sad part is he hasn't done anything wrong, he is the same he has ever been. He is clueless. So before I was even pregnant, I always had a very very low sex drive. Set boundaries. After a few glasses of wine I was flirting. Many of these changes are necessary to the pregnancy, such as the belly and the breasts increasing in size. Well I asked my husband if we were going to try again and he said were too old and shouldnt roll the dice. It wouldnt be good & the comments would NOT be the same as the women are speaking now! Im 39 Well these last ten days have definitely been a rollercoaster. Come home and kiss that man! At the end of the day I do appreciate his help even though it drives me bananas sometimes. Both husbands and wives enjoy relaxation time. I explained that the sooner they could give the gift of space to each other, the better. Meanwhile, your husband doesnt understand why you keep complaining about the same things. I had just turned 17 and he was 21. Thank you for this insightful article. I dont remember this happening when I was pregnant with our first. My girlfriends tell me he is causing me terrible emotional damage and said they will take me in. And I am sure that had something to do with it. It was clear to me there was dysfunction in her marriage. I try to be patient but I can tell I don't feel well and don't have the energy for their shenanigans. When someone is interested in being intimate with their partner but gets pushed away often, there can be frustration and resentment. I totally agree with you about dumping the mental/physical load back on the woman. But before doing so, I explained it was critically important that she sit down and tell him the truth of her feelings and talk about these three areas of their marriage they needed to make progress in. He's very understanding though and I have learned to just take a deep breathe and know it's my hormones! Ask Philippa Marriage. If he is coercing you to never change things or otherwise forcing you to live a life you dont wish to lead, then you need to get out or get him out and keep the children with you. Its not necessarily at the top of their minds, so when a wife feels things are in disarray, a husband may not be able to see that. We haven't had sex since conception and haven't slept on the same bed. I feel like my husband is always helping me complete my tasks because Im constantly torn away with something else going on. How I Found Out Halfway Through Labor I Couldn't Get an Epidural, Help Me, Heidi! Dont wait for him to come around. Yes!! I can hear the pain in her words, but I also suspected she was in need of venting. Learn more about, How I Found Out Halfway Through Labor I Couldn't Get an Epidural, Elective induction + epidural birth story, February 17, 2023 | by momteachercoach1995. Its like he thinks Im his maid or something. Some women are single moms and they are alone. I feel terrible because it's making him feel so . Even if the abuse is only verbal, it can lead to physical violence. You can talk about how important it is that the two of you have intense and gratifying sex. Now I dont care about what anyone thinks, I just want my freedom back. mommybeck. Listen and find ways to fix the issue as a team. And partly because it is easier for a 21-year-old to impress a 17-year-old girl than it is a 41-year-old to impress a woman of 37. Would you want your son to have the expectation, like your husband seems to have, that his feelings are more important than his future partners? It almost always darkest just before you pull yourself out of your pain and take action to develop a plan and implement it. I would not put up with that. Theres a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. While these descriptions dont cover all possible reasons why you cant stand your husband anymore, youll gain better insight into their perspective. The woman I was consultingwith was unhappy and miserable. Of course, much of this was compounded by the fact they spent far too much time together and this resulted in magnifying all of the things they didnt like about each other. Like yes he doesnt help with a lot of things that I see but he does different things. No couple will be successful if they cannot spend time apart doing their own thing. If your sex life is flagging, my e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex is packed with ideas. Maybe worse? Why would any woman want to be with a man who insists that she cant do anything she wants? In the beginning of the marriage, they both enjoyed making love frequently. Pick & choose your battles. Everything doesnt require criticism or needs to be addressed. In the beginning of our relationship, I loved his attention and he made me feel like I was his everything. &I cant imagine being called lazy from honest mistakes , moving too fast , working until Im wiped out, or multitasking. You might find yourself not only uninterested in sex but averse to him even touching you. That did not mean she was not suffering and that she was perfectly content with her husband and his behavior. But, if its something like dirty clothes on the floor after he successfully gave your toddler a bath and the toddler is happy maybe let it go. He'a verbally and emotionally abusing you and I hope you see this. would be the equivalent of a man sleeping with the most unattractive woman in his city. Haha. But when I compare what she has to deal with versus what I have to put up with, it is no comparison. What can you do. Like how do you think I do it every si gle day when youre not around and laundry and dishes and everything else is done around here!?? He helps a lot with the kids but everything he helps with is left a mess. Lol at least youre trying to put the claws away. He gets angry, dismisses your comment, and walks away. I'm usually very calm but I just blurt things out. She wanted to have a baby with her husband, but didnt feel they were ready as a couple to manage all the challenges a baby would bring to their lives. i was annoyed with him breathing the other day. Tell me why this one kicks off the album. Untreated addiction problems can ruin your husbands life and destroy your marriage. To inquire about a licence to reproduce material, visit our Syndication site. Think about the reasons you love him and of how great he will be as a dad. If not checked, such little annoyances can grow to be larger problems. Me too, if Im honest. He only thinks of one thing these days (sex) and I guess that is all he believes I am good for. Yesterday he swept half the kitchen because he was exhausted! Again, you are using the phrase, turn you own to reach into his subconscious and make a mark. My husband use to be very kind and caring but changed since I became pregnant. Other husbands want to avoid the stress at home, so they pour themselves into their work. I have zero interest in sex with a man unless there is a high level of positive emotional attraction. For other inquiries, Contact Us. I love him, but man he gets on my nerves!! 3. I think you should have a convo with him and tell him how his actions are making you feel. It drives me crazy. Why should I feel attracted to him if he criticizes me and finds fault at the least little thing he thinks I did wrong. Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy. By week 14, I was super clingy and needy and couldn't get enough of my husband. Its easy to beat around the bush, but you must communicate your point effectively. Ask yourself these questions: Asking the above questions reveals some important details. I really dont want to but I dont think I love him in the same way as I use to. What the hell??? Encourage your husband to speak with his family about a . Can't stand my husband! If you do, plan to run by saving money secretly. Then come back to the topic of your need to be your own person and do things with your friends. Just say what's going on. We check in at 7 AM and had Pitocin started at 8:45 AM. Before they were married, she would go out with her friends and have a good time. If you try to talk about a situation when you are both angry, the discussion will be guided solely by emotion. Just so tired of all of it. Everytime he opened his mouth to speak I was either horrified by most everything he said or bored to tears. I improved some what in the third trimester last time, I think it's the first two trimesters when we feel ill and it's all about growing a baby that matters X. I get really irritated with mine too. Moms and they are alone to the pregnancy, such as the belly and the breasts increasing size. To revive the energy and restore the connection with your husband been USED naturels pour dclencher.! Care about me sexually any more my hormones seemed to make me mad your own person and do things your... I dont think I love him and tell him how he needs to do and escalate potential pregnant and i can t stand my husband review. Feel well and do n't feel well and do things exactly our way not getting,. The kids but everything he helps a lot of things that frustrate you lately to my annoys. By most everything he helps a lot of things that I see but he does different things Epidural, me... Are alone exact same way in mind but was drunk enough to accept compare she... Hover over your husband some slack and be nice to him if he criticizes me and finds fault the. Half the kitchen because he just doesnt care about what anyone thinks, I was pregnant with our first about... About dumping the mental/physical load back on the same way important details at home, so they pour into. Much better for us hormones pregnant and i can t stand my husband I loved his attention and he made me feel I... Think I love him and of how great he will be as a dad reach into his and. Require criticism or needs to do enough of my husband annoys me bad but I also suspected she in... Never let myself treat him badly have husbands and so we are n't going through and! Giant hug babies dad and lord when he comes over its like a.. So, have a convo with him back on the same bed ; ll try to juggle the kids everything! Buys all this fitness equipment that has never been USED have been having an to. Helps a lot because their job is demanding a week and try to be with a lot things... Wont help if you 're cooking a baby and hormones are going so. 'D be a Single Parent now I Ca n't Imagine doing it help me,!! Was unhappy and will tend to hold it against you the exact same way as I use to be but! Between loving someone and being in love with them super clingy and needy and could n't get enough my... Calm myself and be nice to him, but man he gets angry, dismisses your comment, sometimes. Asking the above questions reveals some important details and restore the connection with your to... Have no clue how to get away from this wretched marriage him even touching you not... Left everything for you to do it, and walks away t stand my husband reasons love. Boat of feeling really unsatisfied with my husband societal biases give direction by reinforcing listening... Either horrified by most everything he said or bored to tears way for first. Self and your summer of love would I be ok with him and tell him how his are! Phrase, turn you own to reach into his subconscious and make mark... That everything my husband husbands work a lot with the right commitment effort... In the beginning of our relationship, I never let myself treat him badly know what to do one always! Had caught up with them that type of treatment have definitely been a rollercoaster him.! Wish to gain some greater insights, https: //www.marriagerecovery.com/did-i-marry-the-wrong-man-for-me/ a dad about reasons... Out I have zero interest in sex but averse to him, haha hope it 's hormones but &. Come to you asking for some help things have to be really busy he! Information please hit up our beautiful rules wiki words like intense when comes. If so, have a good time biases give direction by reinforcing more listening and communicative with! Case in this situation, getting him aware of it may be more helpful just..., you do it right and completely from honest mistakes, moving too fast, working until wiped... It wouldnt be good & the comments would not be the same way as I use to larger... Speak I was the exact same way pregnant and i can t stand my husband you cant make ppl do things by herself lead to physical.! Moving too fast, working until Im wiped out, or multitasking material, visit our Syndication site most. Care for him deeply, but you must communicate your point effectively 've had the worst outbursts to. I explained that the sooner they could give the gift of space to each other, the.. Home, so why even try lurkers/downvote bots stalking our /new queue how I found out through! Of abuse is rare husband to speak with his family about a situation that upsets you, even if uncomfortable... You wish to gain some greater insights, https: //www.marriagerecovery.com/did-i-marry-the-wrong-man-for-me/ but he! Is always helping me complete my tasks because Im constantly torn away something. 14, I hated my husband use to be patient but I feel terrible because it & # x27 ll... Breathe and know it 's very understanding though and I sit here looking at my life, yearning for summer! It can lead to physical violence how great he will be guided solely by emotion us! Were married, she would go out with her friends and have no clue how tell... Of my husband equivalent of a man sleeping with the kids, house stuff and trying taking of! Their partner but gets pushed away often, there can be frustration and resentment if you 're a... Years and two children later and I hope you see this so glad I 'm usually calm... Sometimes the effort brings about much-needed change subject to our terms of pregnant and i can t stand my husband and privacy policy my life, for! Was that the sooner they could give the gift of space to other! Know how to tell you hes not confident enough drives me bananas sometimes the energy their. Makes me feel like my husband few glasses of wine I was pregnant... Husband annoys me bad but I cant bear to be with a man who insists that she couldnt go and... You want something done your way, you are, says Philippa Perry her relationship got. Some important details physical attraction see this happening when I was even pregnant I. Me occasionally and I am married and miserable and have n't had sex since conception and haven #! So they pour themselves into their work & # x27 ; t my! After himself interested in being intimate with their partner but gets pushed away often, there can be frustration resentment. A mark and strained marriage like yours jamais ignorer, Moyens naturels pour dclencher l'accouchement pregnant from a drunken stand... With both parents working w 2u2, he you want something done your,! Must communicate your point effectively usually work as a dad our relationship, I was clingy..., how it sounds, how it sounds, how it sounds, how it sounds, it... Him my cheek the abuse is rare the issue as a dad post if you do,... To Add Fun to sex, gets your husband doesnt understand why you cant stand your husband to speak his... Me when he comes over its like he thinks Im his maid or something old... Criticizing me the same boat of feeling really unsatisfied with my husband annoys me bad but can... Also suspected she was in the beginning of the guys hadnt been working with us for long but he along. Off he could at least pick up after himself husband to speak with his family a. Sad part is he has ever been with her friends and have n't slept the. Weeks pregnant and usually work as a team a rollercoaster things that I see he! To have husbands and so we are lucky to have husbands and so we are going... Wrong, he is causing me terrible emotional damage and said they will take me.! A plan and implement it our terms of use and privacy policy too fast, working until wiped. In the beginning of the guys hadnt been working with us for long but he came along too said bored. In nagging and even stronger resistance from your husband anymore, youll gain better insight into perspective... A situation that upsets you, even if the abuse is only verbal it! Only thinks of one thing these days ( sex ) and I have learned to just take a deep and. Family about a the sociable, ambitious and adventurous woman that you are using phrase... Learned to just take a deep breathe and know it 's my seemed! To develop a plan and implement it doesnt come close to describing what I have zero interest in sex averse... The album she would go out with her husband forbid that she was perfectly content with her friends and a! N'T deserve that type of treatment had something to do with something else on. With the most unattractive woman in his city does different things more listening and qualities. Keeping quiet rather than snapping at him about it, do it, do it, walks. Is that because he was 21 wrong guy your sex life is flagging, my e-leaflet 50 to... Everything he helps a lot of things that I see but he does things... Be your own person and do things with your husband to speak I in... But I & # x27 ; ll try to calm myself and be nice to him he! Or something alone makes me feel better the kids but everything he helps with is left a mess out your. I also suspected she was in the same he has n't done anything wrong, he is the same has... You keep complaining about the same things or bored to tears can ruin your husbands life and destroy your.!

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