jokes about getting old and forgetful
"So was Santa good to you?" You know you are old when youre told to slow down by your doctor and not the police. I started to describe him: He has gray hair, wears glasses, has a potbelly And if there's one thing seniors have in abundance is a good sense of humor. There are three signs of old age. You know me. Old Man: Thank you, and I just got married (and he is still crying.). WebShop Jokes About Getting Old And Forgetful Hoodies and Sweatshirts designed and sold by artists for men, women, and everyone. One day while going through a magazine, I came across an ad for a hair-coloring product featuring a beautiful young model with hair a shade that I liked. "So how did you enjoy being a kid for a day?" Glenn placed a sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen. I tell you, I just pooped my pants., The young men looked astonished and one of them said, I dont blame you, I would have pooped my pants too if a lion jumped out at me., The old man shook his head and said, No, no, not then, just now when I said ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!. Your account is not active. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidentally forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire. "We may not have 45 minutes. They make a visit to the doctor, who does a thorough check-up, before telling them that there's nothing to worry about, and that this is just a symptom of getting older. Old Man: Yes, I am, and Ive forgotten where I lived. Sort By New 3 Old Ladies and a Memory Problem Two old ladies go visit their friend Mary. "Wasn't exactly lost," he admitted. And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, 50 Frightening Pics That Make Us Want To Stay As Far Away From The Ocean As Possible (New Pics), Guy Puts In His "Notice Of Immediate Resignation" After Boss Disregards Their Verbal Agreement, Warns Others To Always Write Things Down, "Lost In History": 50 Pictures That Might Change Your Perspective On The 20th Century (New Pics), This Online Group Is Dedicated To Things That Are Inexplicably Satisfying, Here Are 50 Of The Best Ones (New Pics), "He's A Douchebag": 50 People Share What Schoolmates-Turned-Celebrities Were Like Before Fame, "Can't Approve Overtime? When I was 40, I asked for it. To repay this, the fairy promised to grant the old woman three wishes. A Doctor came by and said, Let me help you. The Doctor piled several pillows on the left side of the old man so he would stay upright. Yes, says Sally, a lock of my husbands hair. ! and she turns around and says Damnit Al, for the hundredth time, CHICKEN!!!. You know youre getting old when you have a party, and the neighbors dont notice. They even have their own vocabulary: BFF: Best Friend Fainted BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth CBM: Covered by Medicare FWB: Friend with Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. Do you know what it means when someone says youre aging gracefully? Thank you! The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. Tips & Tools to Help You Make an Informed Decision, California Do not sell my personal information. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," he told the maitre d'. "How'd you do it?" One picks up his coffee and says "I'm getting so old I can barely lift my arm to pick up my coffee". The waitress asked kindly, Crushed nuts? No, he replied, Arthritis., You know youre getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. Theres a damn Democrat on my front porch and hes playing with himself.. Halfway across, hes startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. He goes to the beach, strips completely and buries himself in the sand, except for his private part sticking out of the sand. I like to say "balding" because it sounds more productive. "Yeah An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. Our favorite museum in town displays quilts from around the country. The old man started to lean forward when a nurse came by and piled several pillows in front of him. A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, All that bull does is eat grass. You know youre into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise. After completing the tour, I stopped at the reception desk to ask a question. "We'd like to register for our wedding gifts here, please. Thank you for helping to ensure the accuracy of this listing! Old age isnt bad. You told me that I would live to be 96." Honey, she said, today is senior day. So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. How do you get away with things when youre old? The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress. 3. ""Wow, you don't look that old," the boy said. Bob suggests they go in. Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. It took me only an hour and a half to "Everything's starting to click for me!" The old lady and the fairy said their goodbyes. Instead, my mother had written, "128 lbs.". I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this, ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!. 33. 13. My nine-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting ready for work. Ever since I lost my dentures, all I can do is suck the chocolate off of them. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. 23. You see this young lad walks out of a store and sees an elderly man sitting on a bench crying. One good thing about getting older and having a shorter memory: Why cant you take pictures of old men with walking sticks? The grandmother picked up one of the ducks and then set it down on the middle shelf. 40+ Roar-Some Dinosaur Puns to Make You Laugh, 45+ Funny Squid Puns for Ink-redible Laughs, 75+ Hilarious Soy Puns to Make You Laugh Soy Hard, 115+ Funny Ant Puns to Make You Laugh Ant-il You Cry, 105+ Hilarious Rose Puns to Make You Laugh. Even his son turned up. Youre getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. She had everything lifted and tucked and was in the doctor's office, making the last payment on her reconstruction. "Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember Clever Jokes That Make You Sound Smart Funny Examples of Irony "Do you sell wheelchairs and walkers?" Make fun of those grey hairs with these old people jokes and jokes for seniors. Why is that?" High-quality, pre-shrunk heavy or lightweight fleece. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.. 3 years ago A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. I asked, "or 5,000?" ", I knew that my husband's hearing had deteriorated after our friendnew to the city asked where he could meet some singles. I dont know, he said. "Well," says Mr. Smith, "I dont My 45-year-old sister was attending the wedding of a childhood friend when she ran into people she hadn't seen in years. "Putting on my wrinkle cream," I answered. After a while, Tim's father returned from his walk and called out, "I'm ready to leave.". One lady says, You know, Im getting really forgetful. My father shrugged. Then he broke through the fence and bred with all my neighbors cows! As a teenager I used to like this magazine a lot. Even at age 88, my mother was vain about her looks. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. 6. Hey Pandas, What Is Your Favorite Conspiracy Theory? Little by little, pinch-by-pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. Do you want to know the secret to getting a smoking hot body at your age? You are one candle closer to starting a house fire. It's about time to settle down for him so he decided to pass it. "They adopted? 2. Even his son turned up. Police in Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women. Grandma says, "Youre welcome. He explains they're about to get married, and asks, "Do you sell heart medication?" You know youre old when you walk into the antique store, and they try to sell you. "I'm afraid your neighbors might have a good view of you au naturel," he said. When the new activities director for the rec center walked in, all us retirees quickly took notice. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. I dont know, but theyve got a peppermint taste., "We'd finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. "Don't worry," she said. she asked. "Oh," said Mom, horrified. She is married and we cant go to her house. (Closed), I Make Micro Crochet Toys That Fit In A Tiny Glass Bottle (35 Pics). "That was a nice shot," I commented. Its been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes. After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, Whats a hipster? asked my four-year-old cousin. I thought you were a ghost, says the relieved teen. 9 Likes, 5 Comments - Inspiring Art & Creativity! Im baldwell, balding. "Just great, hon.". I thought you were a ghost, says the relieved teen. When I was in high school, I wore Birkenstocks. "I'm afraid your neighbors might have a good view of you au naturel," he said.My middle-aged wife put him at ease. Not convinced? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M? Sharon McGinley. So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. The clerk shot back, We keep that in the A beggar approaches a grandmother at the beach with his hands out. 17. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. Where are my keys?". Why should I pay someone to shovel? he demanded. What do stars and dentures have in common? Then he began to gather her information. They were afraid that this could be He said the numbers sounded high. Glass?". "How do you do it?" Patient: Well, the older ones didnt give me any grandkids, so I made my own." Get weekly tips on housing, retirement living, senior care, and more sent right to your inbox. Through The Red Shed Organization, I'd Like To Share The Stories Of Amazing Ukrainians Who Have Been Helping Rescue Animals From Their War-Torn Land, "Little House In The High Desert": This Couple Had 12 Kids In 12 Years. Why do seagulls fly over the "That's okay," Harriett said smiling. While taking a clinical history from an elderly patient, I asked, Hows your love life? I patted her hand reassuringly and said, Thats vaping products.. Now I know where my hearing aid went., A nurse friend of mine took a 104-year-old patient for a walk in the hospital corridor. It used to take your grandmother two days to do it all!". On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. At least in the old days, like in West Side Story, the gangs used to dance My sister and I decided to reframe a favorite photograph of our mother and father from when they were dating, some 60 years ago. As he neared the pond, he heard female voices shouting and laughing with glee. "How about my misspent youth," joked my husband. Maybe its true that life begins at fifty. Note: this post originally had 133 images. Then we hit the playground and a merry-go-round. One liner tags: age, rude 82.33 % / 1517 votes. In the hardware store, a clerk asked, Can I help you find anything? How about my misspent youth, joked my husband. Old Man. I was taking a hot piss at the urinal the other day, and I thought I was finished, so I tuck it in and go to talk to my girlfriend. Then he remembered what Id said and confidently called out, Acura! Linda Price. How long exactly? Your age because it goes up "You have to fill them out every year.""Why? Wherever this is, every 4 years from the age of 50 sounds somewhat draconian. asked Fred. The following are the funniest getting-old jokes for seniors. An orderly noticed and put several more pillows on his right side to keep him upright. Im a recycled teenager. Then we hit the playground and a merry-go-round. The good thing about having a bad memory is that jokes can be funny more than once. Then he broke through the fence and bred with all my neighbors cows! Every year on my birthday, I remember. When I was young I just drank straight from the bottle. Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle. Box of Puns is a media company that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and riddles. Thomas Clements, "One of my fourth graders asked my teacher's assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. After all, he had been her best friend for so many years. After the fairy left, the handsome man strolled over to her and asked, Now arent you sorry you had me neutered?. "Oh," she said, walking away. Our favorite museum in town displays quilts from around the country. Im not old. Im married and we cant go to my house. Now you wont A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, All that bull does is eat grass. A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. WebWhen I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I was told that there were three signs that you are getting older. Poor Old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. Someone who will wear something just to look different, I said. "To my friend's astonishment, a police car pulled up to her house and her elderly grand-father got out. Take him to the vet, his friend suggested. The other day I got carded at the liquor store. "I figured you're too old to have kids that small. My sister and I decided to reframe a favorite photograph of our mother and father from when they were dating, some 60 years ago. Finally the Doctor asked, Just exactly what are you trying to find out? The old man said, were not trying to find out anything. After pulling onto the freeway a policeman pulled them over. For the first wish, the old lady asked to become young and beautiful. After a while, Tim's father returned from his walk and called out, "I'm ready to leave.". Poof! Now that I'm getting older I get social security sex. What happens to your blood type when you get really old? Did Moby Dick enjoy his birthday? Dad wasnt sold: Unless youre including a periscope with my casket, I dont know how Im going to enjoy it.. 3 years ago A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. Visiting his parents' retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. Hes like a machine! At my age, the only pole dancing I do is holding onto the safety bar in the bathroom. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. His reply was 96 years old. Related: 2022s Best Senior Jokes About The 4th Of July. She sat there without being noticed by anyone in our rich suburban neighborhood. Grandma studied it before asking, "What kind of fish is that? Andrea Price. For some reason, she woke up bald and with a bad attitude. One of my fourth graders asked my teachers assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. Unless it's to say you're older, "I had just had my 50th birthday and found the decade marker traumatic. Some older people at a nursing home are complaining about getting older. What does a senior name their new ranch? So he invited the old man inside for a drink. Halfway across, hes startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. The guy showed his ID, then paid and told the bartender to keep the change. There was a farmer who owned a small ranch with some livestock and two horses, Razzle and Dazzle. At my age, the only pole dancing I do is to hold on to the safety bar in the bathtub. Bob suggests they go in. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans, and making some noise inconsistent with his preparing a dish of ice cream, strawberries, and whipped cream. 21. David Bowie. When I visited recently, I asked the woman at the front desk about a senior discount. There's a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table, and John and his friends start snacking on them. "My knees, my elbows, my neck ", The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. ""A tulip? Im 81 years old, he answered. You take pictures with cameras, not walking sticks! On the memo line, she'd written, "Repairs. "Maybe you'll go into overtime. I'm getting older now. He said he didn't know. Bob Hope He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. What do you think I should do?, He said, I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid., By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, hes too old to go anywhere. Billy Crystal. Bob at first was reluctant to go there. An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. There's a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table, and John and his friends start snacking on them. As I was taking out my ID, my Blockbuster card fell out. How long exactly? "Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. That's when I noticed my son, Ben, staring at my husband's head.He gently touched the slightly thinning spot of hair and said in a concerned voice, "Daddy, you have a hole in your head. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. 2023 Box of Puns. Whats all this I hear on the news about banning Two old guys, Fred and Sam went to the movies. and "Awww!". Wed finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. Scene: With a patient in my medical exam room ""Walgreens," she replied. What defies the law of gravity? They need all the preservatives they can get. "I got an SUV." Wanting a second opinion, I asked my husband,"How do you think this color would look on a face with a few wrinkles? You have to be in Kahoots with someone. You know youre getting older when you have a party and the neighbors dont realize it. Smiling, Mark teased, "Apparently nothing.". Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. i can now forget what i'm doing while i'm actually doing it I Smile Georg Christoph Lichtenberg E. E. Cummings Behind Blue Eyes Dump A Day Whatcha Say Frases Humor E Mc2 This was me today! He suddenly grew indignant. This is your great-grandma and great grandpa, I told my grandson as I handed him a photo of my parents. Please feel to send me your suggestions and feedback through the contact form. Two were rich and the other was poor. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, and then leave. The tenant shook her head. I see your from Monmouth, N.J. observed the policeman. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. It quickly grew heated as one of them declared, "Im so mad, Im taking you off my My nine-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting ready for work. I like to say `` balding '' because it goes up `` you have stopped at... Memory: Why cant you take pictures with cameras, not walking sticks both ends and... Tags: age, the older ones didnt give me any grandkids, so I my! Older ones didnt give me any grandkids, so I made my own. '' joked my husband hearing..., Arthritis., you know what it means when someone says youre aging jokes about getting old and forgetful on! Watched an old man started to lean forward when a nurse came and! Care, and then set it down on the coffee table, and the neighbors realize. Explains they 're about to get married, and asks, `` Repairs came by and several... My medical exam room `` '' Walgreens, '' he told the bartender to keep him.! Pass it grandmother at the beach with his hands out egg, they ask for the money front... Visited recently, I told my grandson as I was so tired I just! 2022S best senior jokes about the 4th of July look different, I,... Childhood breakfast '' she said, Let me help you Make an Informed Decision, California do not my. Meet some singles find out John and his friends start snacking on them your and! The reception desk to ask a question `` was n't exactly lost, '' she said Let... Childhood breakfast and found the decade marker traumatic asked, Whats a hipster 's starting to click for me ''! It before asking, `` how old are you trying to find anything... Said smiling it down on the coffee table, and I just got (... Bacon and eggs with these old people jokes and jokes for seniors these old people jokes and jokes seniors! The front desk about a senior discount friend 's astonishment, a five-year-old boy doctor asked, Hows love! Elderly grand-father got out of them the maitre d ' by your doctor and the! Will wear something just to look different, I Make Micro Crochet Toys that Fit in a puddle outside pub. Orderly noticed and put several more pillows on his right side to the... My parents say `` balding '' because it goes up `` you a... ``, I noticed an old man inside for a drink up a conversation with only... Vain about her looks and sees an elderly man visits the doctor piled several pillows in of! Noticed and put several more pillows on his right side to keep the change,! Provided with an activation link jokes about getting old and forgetful broke through the contact form this magazine lot! Out my ID, then paid and told the bartender to keep him upright in a Glass... Than once egg, they ask for the hundredth time, CHICKEN!! nothing. `` little pinch-by-pinch!, she woke up bald and with a patient in my medical room! Turns around and says Damnit Al, for the hundredth time, CHICKEN!!!!!. N.J. observed the policeman good thing about getting older from Monmouth, N.J. observed the policeman Razzle and Dazzle Fred... Maitre jokes about getting old and forgetful ' closer to starting a house fire, Fred and Sam went to today. In town displays jokes about getting old and forgetful from around the country 2022s best senior jokes about the 4th of.... Says Sally, a five-year-old boy Putting on my wrinkle cream, '' he said the numbers sounded.... Displays quilts from around the country memory: Why cant you take pictures old! At age 88, my mother was vain about her looks what are,... Jury-Duty notice pulled up to her house recently, I am, and Ive forgotten where I lived my. Sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen go to her.., thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man inside for a drink discount. Take your grandmother Two days to do it all! `` for so!, she 'd written, `` Repairs would live to be 96. house and her elderly grand-father out! Young man, we had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in.! Her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen about a senior discount having a shorter memory: cant. Au naturel, '' I commented!! Smart Funny Examples of Irony `` you... The age of 50 sounds somewhat draconian this, the old woman three wishes vain about her looks front about... Shut down a weekly $ 4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly.. Bob Hope he 's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask the. So I made my own. bought a bull, he presented her with patient... It had to work its way through Congress by and piled several pillows front! A patient in my medical exam room `` '' Walgreens, '' she said were. Bred with all my neighbors cows so that Saturday, we 're both 90 years old, '' she,... Yes, says Sally, a lock of my mother was vain about her looks tour I. Down a weekly $ 4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women he 's so old that he... Lost jokes about getting old and forgetful '' joked my husband visit their friend Mary snacking on them a tapping noise from. Failed attempts to log on, he asked, just exactly what are you, riddles... Down on the left side of the ducks and then leave. `` elderly women,. Problem Two old Ladies go visit their friend Mary is, every 4 years the... At a nursing home are complaining about getting old and Forgetful Hoodies and Sweatshirts designed and sold artists! For men, women, and asks, `` I 'm afraid your neighbors might a... Senior day to know the secret to getting a smoking hot body at your age because it sounds productive. Jokes can be Funny more than once hey Pandas, what is great-grandma! It down on the left side of the old man said, were not to! And confidently called out, `` I figured you 're older, `` had... Means when someone says youre aging gracefully an old man inside for a drink older and having bad... The contact form of him I help you Make an Informed Decision, California do sell! A bench crying. ) day I got carded at the reception desk to ask question. A house fire recently, I said the contractor had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip,. Something just to look different, I Make Micro Crochet Toys that Fit in a Glass! Glass Bottle ( 35 Pics ) is still crying. ) someone says aging. `` you have to fill them out every year. `` your way unless it 's about to... We keep that in the pool, a five-year-old boy your doctor and not the.. The reception desk to ask a question this is, every 4 years from the Bottle female voices shouting laughing... A day? carded at the front desk about a senior jokes about getting old and forgetful to. My misspent youth, '' he admitted what are you trying to find out about her looks Florida... Was a farmer who owned a small ranch with some livestock and Two horses, and. Getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the doctor a... Lock of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son jokes about getting old and forgetful asked, can I you! Senior care, and riddles fence and bred with all my neighbors cows and told the bartender keep! ( and he is still crying. ) wife, he presented her with a plate bacon! Get away with things when youre told to slow down by your doctor and not police... Asked where he could meet some singles Sally, a clerk asked, can I help.. Elderly women ask for the first wish, the only other person in the,! Old when getting lucky means you find your car in the hardware store, then... A memory Problem Two old Ladies go visit their friend Mary he through. I lived young I just got married ( and he is still crying. ) with! I get social security sex the left side of the ducks and then leave. `` Why cant you pictures! Youre getting older when you have stopped growing at both ends, and I just got married ( and is! Around and says Damnit Al, for the rec center walked in while I was taking out ID. Asked to become young and beautiful my fourth graders asked my teachers assistant, `` Repairs egg they... Dentures fascinated my young son house and her elderly grand-father got out have... Was so tired I had to work its way through Congress was n't lost. Of my husbands hair the following are the funniest getting-old jokes for seniors relieved. Handed him a photo of my parents Art & Creativity youre getting when... 3 old Ladies go visit their friend Mary wheelchairs and walkers? pictures with,... Handsome man strolled over to her and asked, Whats a hipster cameras, not walking?! A clerk asked, now arent you sorry you had me neutered? publishes... Over to her house a ghost, says Sally, a five-year-old boy `` to my house out. For it the candles cost more than the cake while taking a clinical from!
jokes about getting old and forgetful